TL;DR: someone managed to add a stolen credit card and shipping information to my #microsoft account, ordered $160 worth of digital xbox gift cards, and redeemed those cards this morning.
There are no suspicious logins on my account, and I have verification and 2FA turned on.
Microsoft not only does not care, they also claim that any unauthorized activity on a user's account is the user's responsibility.
So that's fun.
Sigh. I had such high hopes for productivity this morning.